I Have Control Again

I'm finally numb. I'm rejoicing, really happy. And the best part about it all, is that I have control again. I can control how heavy the feelings are, I can control whether or not I even want to think about the problem at the moment. I'm back. Finally... I've been waiting for this for several months now, and I've finally gotten it back. This probably doesn't seem like a huge deal to any of you guys, but this is great news for me... I feel powerful again... In control... Completely back in control. Now I know that the person who was hurting me is nothing too special, nobody worth crying for. And I'm done crying, done letting my pillow absorb my salty tears. I'm done bleeding for now, but I'm not going to pick at it until it is nothing more than a faint scar.

Internally decaying. Cries and cries until the pain leaves me. Sitting on the floor next to my bed, numb. Finally.

My Mind Is A Burning Empire

I feel so stupid... I feel so vulnerable... So worthless... Nothing is what it seemed to be, and I guess that's the thing that hurts the most; the fact that I allowed myself to fall in love with an apparition, then be ripped to shreds when the real person behind it lets themselves be known. I'm burning down inside, but the flames are beginning to die down, and the ashes are finally settling. Soon, there will be nothing left, nothing to see, nothing to feel. I"m waiting for that. But it seems like every time the ashes finally settle, someone fans the flames again, scorching my heart, and I can hardly handle it. I should've known that nothing would last; I should have seen that my trust was going to be betrayed, that I would fade back into the background as if I never even existed in the first place. Is that what I was? Just someone you could drain, just so you could move on to the next? You had me convinced... But now I just feel stupid.

Gone.