I find my past hidden in mirrors,
searching lines in my face for hidden answers.
No, I don't twirl and dance for hidden watchers.
There's two sides to my ego, call me "alter."
I remind myself everyday of what I've left behind,
and when I start questioning I remind myself of why
I'm headed where I'm headed now, not reading the street signs,
and I'm living how I'm living now, I shouldn't count on time.
I feel so lost but at least I'm centered.
Got shot down a few times but now I've recovered.
No, I don't give a fuck about what they heard.
I'm taking care of mine so fuck your rumors.
I remind myself everyday of the man that I hold dear,
and when I start questioning the truth makes itself clear;
that I'm loving who I'm loving now, he'll always be right here,
and we're living how we're living now, our choice on how to steer.
No, I don't really know where I'm going,
but I don't really mind not knowing.
I'm puffing on that loud and now I'm floating;
I'll always rise above, yeah bitch, I'm golden.
No one could even add up to me;
even when I view myself worthlessly,
even when I lay awake restlessly,
even when my thoughts chase me into my sleep -
into my dreams.
Got my mind boutta burst at the seams.
Got me choosing sides when there never were teams.
Said everything was fine though that's not how it seems.
I let the sky lift me up from under.
Sometimes I listen to myself and wonder;
where would I be without the love?
In a fucked up way, I can't handle it,
but I'm more afraid of abandonment -
either fucking way I can't handle shit.
I'm every contradiction, I'm a perfect fit.
There's no peaceful place for my soul to sit.
These two voices in my head never seem to quit;
I just need some fucking time to be alone for a bit.
But whenever I'm alone, I feel inadequate;
I feel inadequate.
