My Own

I don't know who I am anymore. I feel trapped in my own mind, with my own actions. I know the things I do, and I know that sometimes, I have no particular reasons for wanting to do so, but I need to stop. In the process of "doing what I want," I lost any sense of who I actually am, and now there is talk. Talk that I am the person I'm cutting myself out to be, but I know that I'm not. But I also know that I'm not exactly the same person I was before any of this. I'm horrified, because now everything that I said before is contradicted by my own actions, and at this point, it feels like I have no control of them at all. I wish there was a way I could fix this; this feeling, this situation. Words can't reverse my actions, but at the same time, I did nothing on the line of wrong. I did something "I wanted" a long time ago, but now I'm getting the backlash. If there was really any love to begin with, there would be some understanding attached, but apparently all those words were lies, too. I'm lost within myself, and I wish I could remake all of the decisions that got me to this point. But I'm simply on my own to move on, hopefully learn from this, and never do the same stupid thing again.