Subconscious Destruction

The feelings of both anticipation and dread
have not ceased to ravage me,
lying dormant inside of me until my body is
ready to rest, then sinking it's teeth into my brain.
The venom of these juxtaposed emotions
poisons my subconscious mind;
each night I dream of violence, executed
with a startling serenity that I could
never muster in consciousness.

Asleep, I become the monster I envy
in my waking hours - the monster
who knows no law, only equity.
In slumber I am my own monster,
with blood on my knuckles as
I sip a chilled glass of milk.
Each night I dream of violence, justified
by my victim's own indiscretions that I could
never confront in consciousness.

There is total peace within me as I
drive my foot into the jaw of this
half conscious woman - her demeanor remains
undisturbed; still and expressionless as
I attempt to unravel her from the spool that
tangles her with my life, and the end of a beloved friend's.
Each night I dream of violence, invalidated
by a lack of weight in my fists that should
never be an obstacle in consciousness.

A death sentence is placed on the cheek of
the ultimate offender as she awaits my arrival,
as she awaits my relentless blows.
As she awaits the same bitter end she inflicted on
someone undeserving of an ending at all,
whose life was meant to grow and improve and illuminate, so
each night I dream of violence, reflected
in my mind as a midnight movie that could
rewind itself and torment me, even in consciousness.