Contaminated

 The desperation for forgiveness

clouds the air and my judgement.

A magnifying glass to your actions

would expose a betrayal that 

makes my throat thick and my mouth water

with words that I swallow - 

they burn holes in my stomach.

I wore a mask of apathy 

to cover the confusion that lived on 

inside of me for one full year.

One full year...

I watched the seasons pass

in a lulling blur through eyes that were

hardly my own,

my belly always burning;

a fire born from uncertainty 

and self doubt.

I changed my mask to one of anger

to hide the agony that

tore through me for years to follow.

The truth had been pure,

but my trust was contaminated

by the threat of lies that never left my lips.